A Chat on Stepping Into Your Potential with Author Antonio Neves
Conducted by Michelle Strand
With a growing and promising audience - podcast host, keynote speaker, award-winning journalist, and author of, Stop Living on Autopilot, Antonio Neves discusses with me the launch of his new book and his upcoming goals for 2021.
For over 10 years, Neves worked as a correspondent and host with top television networks including NBC, PBS, and BET in New York City. After leaving the television industry, Neves’ natural desire for leadership and development led him to become a ‘professional question-asker’ and success coach as he re-invented his career in the realm of personal wellness.
On The Best Thing podcast, regularly ranked in Apple’s self-improvement category, Neves talks to people about the “best thing to happen to them that wouldn’t show up on their resume,” offering listeners an inside glimpse into hearing life experiences that they wouldn’t normally be privy to. Among such guests are former Teen-Vogue Editor-in-Chief, Elaine Welteroth, American photographer, director, artist, and entrepreneur, Chase Jarvis, and top business author Marcus Buckingham. Neves challenges us to change the ways we think about our struggles, the ones that rebirth into our biggest accomplishments.
Let’s start by talking about your new book, and what it’s about. Who it’s for, what made you want to write and launch this book, and are the themes similar to your podcast?
Neves: Simply put, so many people’s lives are not where they want them to be because they have resisted making choices. They think that by not making a decision, taking accountability, or responsibility they’re able to divert from life. But let’s be crystal clear – not making a decision is making a decision. Today, start by making a decision, “not 10 decisions, 5 decisions or 3 decisions – just 1 decision” to improve your life. It can involve your career, relationship, fitness, health, or personal finances. A powerful question I ask in the book is: If your life was a movie, what would the lead character start doing to turn things around? I love the analogy, looking at your life more or less like a book really makes it apparent the life we intend to live.
Neves goes on to explain the much-needed wake-up call in response to the pandemic. That being said, he warns us that Stop Living on Autopilot isn’t so much a pat on the back, but rather a soft punch in the esophagus, saying, “wake up!” It’s a raw and direct reminder for people to know that they have a say in their lives. With the tragic loss of life and a global shutdown underway, this really revealed how many people have been going through the motions and living on cruise control. “The pandemic in many ways has revealed unseen and unexpected things about our lives,” he says. All of the trips we didn’t take, the conversations that we avoided with loved ones -all of the things we should have done, while we had the chance.”
Right, so you launched your podcast in January of 2020, and ask people the most unexpected thing that has positively impacted their lives. What themes have you seen emerge in the people you’ve talked to?
Neves: “What’s wild,” he responds, “is that with over 60 episodes, the consistent theme the ‘best thing’ to happen to people rarely was ‘the best,’ or most fun while it was actually happening.” Neves references character-building moments in life where pain or hardship actually forces us to grow. He explains,
“it has been things that have challenged people to build grit, resilience, and character that ended up shaping and influencing them the most. Guests have shared with me what it was like to lose everything in the Madoff Ponzi scheme, getting sentenced to 65 years in a Texas state penitentiary, or getting diagnosed with a brain tumor.”
“I was a shy kid, and my defense mechanism for being shy was to directly engage people in conversation rather than hiding in a corner. I would do everything I could to get them to talk about themselves and share their story. What I found was that people love to talk about themselves, so this was easy, and over the years, as I grew more confident, this skill translated well to my work as a broadcast journalist in the television industry, and even more now as a professional leadership speaker.”
You frequently reference “it’s hard to get on the plane if you never make it to the airport.” What really does this mean?
This goes back to people being unwilling to make decisions in their lives, staying still where they are, and saying things like, ‘I guess it’s not meant to be.’ But really, was it not meant to be, or in reality, have you just given up and accepted not doing anything about it? Instead of making decisions, people love to make excuses. They say they’re going to pray, be patient, or reflect for a bit - those are all just excuses. Life is asking you to shift into the “driver’s seat of life” and put your foot on the pedal. As St. Augustine once said, ‘Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.’” I think you’re absolutely right, I respond. People are afraid to admit that life itself is entirely up to them. We’re 100 percent responsible for our failures, our hardships, but also our success.
Cliche but, it matters. What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
“You can do anything you want, but you can’t do everything.” “That hit me like a brick to my face,” he says, “because at the time, and like most people, I was unfocused and trying to do everything. When you try to do everything, you accomplish nothing. It’s like having a computer running with a lot of applications open. Eventually, your processor speed will slow down, or worse, it can crash.”
I really admire your statements of truth, the ones that resonate with me the most are: a great story never began with, “I played it safe..”, and not making a decision is making a decision. Do you have examples of the best stories you’ve heard that reflect these statements?
Neves: A good friend of mine’s grandfather once told him, ‘Live an interesting life. No one wants to talk to an old person who doesn’t have interesting stories to tell.’ Most people who have accomplished great things, when they embarked on them people told them they were crazy or taking a risk. What some people call taking a ‘risk,’ others simply call living. I still can think back to moving to New York City with less than $1,000 in my bank account with dreams of breaking into the television industry. It all worked out. Still, even if it didn’t work out and I ended up back in my home state of Michigan, it would be easier to fall asleep at night knowing that I tried. Far too many people can’t sleep at night because they know they really haven’t put it out there.
“At the end of the day I’m a professional question asker, and one of the first questions I ask people to help get them unstuck is: “How are you getting in your own way in life?” I typically follow this up with, “What’s the biggest lie you tell yourself.” These questions can lead to massive breakthroughs.”
- Neves.